O Diário da Maria

Noun

1. A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour.

The desire to disappear often takes hold of me in my most vulnerable moments.

Shame, not shyness but deep shame of who I am, of who I can be if I let myself slip in between the personalities that inhabit my mind.

I live with this shame, and I often resist it, ignore it, and pretend it’s not slowly eating away at my will to exist.

She has a habit of devouring me whole at the most inconvenient moments when being confident and outgoing is necessary.

And sometimes I allow it to assume such power over me, and I witness the shame as if it were an individual entity, as if it didn’t belong to me, as if I didn’t identify with such a character of bitterness and lack of empathy. But in reality, it is actually part of me, or a past ‘me’ of mine that is buried in my subconscious, waiting…

Waiting to be discovered, forgiven and loved, heard and respected.
When they say that love is the cure for pain, I believe this is what they mean…